I look
around. In the middle class bubble we interact in everyday, where
your daily luggage
includes a box or two with lunch (with a little extra to share with your colleagues), where a
print out at home is taken only when necessary (only in front-and-back, in
b/w), I many times sit with a particular thought running: How do these
people ever have sex with each other!? The middle aged
blue-collar army is probably the most unattractive sect I can think of.
You can look through the women’s moustaches, the men’s rice fed bellies
and see they cover a half way
decent physical body under all their gross coats. No, not to be
shallow and sideline character and emotions and all that good stuff, but
in the matter of sex, physical attraction has a huge role to play in
enticing and thrilling your partner, I’d think. These unattractive men and
women, I’m sure make as good couples as attractive ones in all other
realms, except I don’t see them match their prettier counterparts in the
deeds of the night. They procreate! They make India a nation of a billion
and yet it’s a mystery to me.
Why is this at all important?
Maybe these people are completely satisfied with their appearance; maybe
they enjoy making love to their ungroomed spouses. Hmm. This would be
quite a feat after media of all kind today bombard our brains with the
idea of a perfect body, perfect lifestyle. Anyway, why does this concern you,
or I? We’re, after all, the pretty, new and improved generation, right? I
see this as a small nagging end of a huge problem. It is why on the night
India won the world cup last year, people filled streets and danced up to
late in the night, but half the population of the country had to be locked
in and celebrate from home, safe from “the men”. It is why many schools
have girls and boys sit in separate
sides of the class. It is why
for the silliest reasons, men wear tee shirts and women dawdle in their
salwars in the wave pools of Wonder La. I have a problem with this.
As we grow up into our teens
in these middle class homes, we’re taught not to waste our time indulging
in “trivial” deeds like getting fancy haircuts or exploring a chic
wardrobe. Anything done to sexualize yourself is seen as vulgar or “western”
and almost immediately objectionable. With years of reinforcement of these
ideas, we’re made sexist, taught to lie about our feelings- very
important and very prevalent sexual feelings- and brainwashed to think
this right. Boys are made vary of girls, hurting their social comfort
around girls and women, and girls are taught that boys are untrustworthy
and must be kept at bay. Not only does this make a young adult’s life
difficult, but also makes them devoid of an organic experience with their
peers.
Next. The kids are old now.
They have degrees and jobs and the parents do what “society” deems right
next. They start “looking”. This is essentially a process of reinforcing
and letting casteism, classism, survive another generation. With “love marriage”
deemed a taboo amongst relatives and neighbours, there is great drama
and dialogue the adults experience if they stray. You’d think that today
in the global village we live in these matters would be trivial. It is
only disheartening to see it being carried forward by much of the crowd.
Many alliances come and go and soon the pressure builds. Many times it
happens that a choice is come to out of frustration and defeat. Sure, the
boy is from “a good background, with an IT job” and the girl is “fair and
humble” and there is much pomp and fare at their wedding, that night when
these two strangers are to play coitus. It works. Sure, you’re
probably not “in love” or something fancy like that, but you learn to
adjust, learn to live with and tolerate the other person.
The man works, the woman
cooks, cleans and might work too and soon she might tend to her baby as
well. Oh, where’s the time for little trivial things like lookingpretty for
your spouse or to watch what you eat? It’s a middle class life after all. Looks
and style are for someone else. The mother’s little girl or boy will grow
up. Grow in this middle class household, with the same sacred “middle
class values”, reinforced and rekindled at every generation’s advent. But
sure again the day will come, a young lad might look at these unattractive
parents sitting on a mopedgoing to a wedding and ask: How do these people ever
have sex with each other!?